It’s not that you need a relationship with your dream partner. 

You want it. It’s like icing on the cake.

You know vacations will be more fun, nights on the couch will be sweeter, and your career will feel more fulfilling when you’re building a life with your dream partner. 

If you didn’t want a relationship, you wouldn’t be dating, putting yourself out there, or reading this newsletter. 

But every time you meet someone who could be a fit, it never works out. 

Either you’re into her, come on too strong, or get stuck in your head, freeze and kill attraction.  

Or, things may start off amazing and electric, but as soon as the relationship progresses, you start to see red flags.

Or she seems great on paper, but it feels like something is missing. 

And the same disheartening patterns can happen to single women in dating, too. 

This endless dating cycle is happening for three reasons:

1. You haven’t integrated into your masculine or feminine energy, and polarity doesn’t build

2. You have insecure attachment tendencies and a subconscious attraction to unavailability 

3. You are caught in “The Dopamine Dating Cycle” 

Today, I’m going to focus on the third to help you identify why you’re stuck in this perpetual cycle and help you get out of it so you can attract your dream partner.  

What is the “Dopamine Dating Cycle”?

Dopamine is the “feel good” hormone. It’s released when we do something that feels pleasurable or gratifying. 

It’s what gives us that surge of energy and focus while completing a task.

It’s also what creates the feelings of attraction and lust. 

Dopamine is also part of our brain’s reward system. When we feel like we’re going to accomplish something big, this part of our brain lights up. 

It’s released even before a pleasurable or gratifying event and activated even in anticipation of the event. 

This is why you feel excited and euphoric before a date with someone you’re into. Life feels amazing. Sometimes the anticipation is so high you can’t focus on anything else. 

None of these things are necessarily “bad.”

We need dopamine. It’s one reason you have accomplished so much in your life. 

When you’re stuck in the Dopamine Dating Cycle it’s because you’re seeing attracting your dream woman as an achievement. 

Why You Get Stuck in the Dopamine Dating Cycle

The Dopamine Dating Cycle is exhausting and disheartening.

It will keep you in a cycle of thinking you found the one, only to crash and feel depleted.

It’s like a roller coaster – which is why you want out of it and are stuck in it. 

As much as you say you want peace, if you keep having relationships that start off intense and burn out quickly…

Your subconscious has a different agenda. 

No matter how strong your conscious mind convinces you that you want stability. There’s something about instability your subconscious mind is drawn to. 

Your limiting beliefs, attachment tendencies, and dating history may determine why you are stuck in this cycle.

Three of the most common reasons are:

1. You’ve been programmed to believe love is an achievement, so you try to impress, win, and buy your partner’s affirmation. 

2. You confuse peace with being stagnant. Your subconscious thinks if nothing is “happening,” there’s something wrong. So it will create false narratives that you end up living out, like focusing on little flaws in your partner, withdrawing and self-sabotaging the connection, or seeking affirmation and “fire.”

3. You fear being fully seen in a partnership. When your partner or the relationship is focused on solving drama, you never have to truly let your partner get to know all of you. 

High-performers are especially susceptible to this cycle. 

Rather than appreciating the opportunity to connect with someone, you’re now in fight or flight. 

You see every moment as a make or break. 

And you start to equate this stressful state with being in love. 

You may not even realize you’re doing it because it’s become your way of being. 

It’s a subconscious reaction to trying to achieve love. 

These are three signs you are stuck in the Dating Dopamine Cycle. 

3 Signs You’re in the Dopamine Dating Cycle

1. You feel anxious or uneasy between dates or when you aren’t hearing from this person

When you view love as an achievement, you’re making the other person’s desire to be with you define your worth. 

In other words – if this person does not like you, you will tell yourself a story that it’s because you aren’t good enough. 

Remember: These stories are happening at the subconscious level. Which means, you can tell yourself you don’t care what they think, but your anxious and uneasy feelings say otherwise. 

And when you try and control these emotions, they get bigger.

You can’t focus on your work, you can’t stop checking your phone, you forget your keys on the counter, you spill on yourself during a meeting. 

It feels like something has gone wrong when nothing has because your body is in fight or flight. It’s doing everything it can to get affirmation and closeness from the person you’re dating to create another dopamine surge. 

2. You search for little “flaws” in someone as soon as they get close

When you’re in the Dating Dopamine Cycle, you’re falling for a feeling, not a person. So as soon as someone gets close, you’re no longer focused on the goal. 

Instead, your subconscious fears of intimacy or rejection get activated and you’ll find superficial reasons to pull away – whether it be the car they drive, one or two things they said you can’t stop thinking about, or that they don’t have enough of the same hobbies as you. 

3. As soon as you stop dating someone, you get back out there quickly

When you’re susceptible to rushes of dopamine, you’ll feel uneasy when you stop getting them. When you feel torn up or heartbroken after a breakup, you can start treating dating as a distraction.

You may not realize you’re doing it. 

One of the most common cases of this I see is when someone says they’re taking a break from dating and then “happen” to just meet someone who feels perfect.

They impulsively jump right back into the same dopamine cycle. 

How to Get Out of the Dopamine Dating Cycle

Like any behavioral pattern in dating, stopping a cycle starts first by understanding why you’re doing it. 

You need to understand what your subconscious is truly seeking and what it’s avoiding. 

This requires the deep subconscious work I teach in my private coaching programs and Masculine in Love™.

Only after you identify and transcend your subconscious dating programming and attachment tendencies and understand how to energetically align with your dream partner will you get the partnership you’ve always desired.

Today, I am going to show you my four-step process to start transcending the Dopamine Dating Cycle.  

Step 1: Take inventory of your dopamine dating patterns 

Discovering your dating patterns starts with looking at historical data. Write down every dating experience you can remember. 

Some questions you can ask yourself to gain clarity are:

How did you meet? How did the dynamic start? What thoughts did you have when you met this person? When did you notice a shift in the dynamic? How did each of you respond to it? What was the ultimate reason the relationship ended?

Step 2: Build boundaries 

To get out of the Dating Dopamine Cycle, you need to practice delayed gratification in your love life. 

Slowing down the dating process gets you what you desire – a fulfilling and exciting partnership. 

When you move too quickly, polarity dies. 

Moving too quickly also activates insecure attachment tendencies in both of you. One person will begin to pull away, the other will try to create more closeness, and a chaotic dynamic begins. 

To slow down the dating process, you need to get clear on your boundaries (which you learn how to do throughout the entire dating process in Masculine in Love™). 

Step 3: Access your emotions 

When you equate dopamine with love it’s because you are repressing emotions. 

This is very common in our modern society because we’re told from a young age that being strong is important. This is especially true for men. 

Women often experience this after being called “crazy” in relationships and not learning how to trust and validate their own emotional experience. 

When we repress our emotional experience, we don’t experience intimacy, we experience intensity. 

To start experiencing intimacy, you need to practice acknowledging and accepting your emotions. 

Next time you feel yourself wanting to disengage from your emotions by working harder, scrolling through your phone, or self-criticizing, stop. 

Sit still. You can put your hand on your heart and ask yourself, “What do I actually need right now?”

Remember: Strength is not the absence of emotions, it’s the willingness to feel them. 

The best part, when you start allowing for your emotions, they become far less intrusive and upsetting. You become less reactive and more grounded, which is key to building polarity with your dream partner. 

Step 4: Embody new dating habits 

It’s one thing to conceptually understand the idea of setting boundaries, slowing down, and feeling your emotions. 

It’s another thing to do it.

To become successful in dating, you need to step into the version of you who already has your dream partner. 

Anytime you notice yourself wanting to speed things up or run away, ask yourself – How would this version of me act/react to this situation?

Then, do it. 

If you’re ready to get off the perpetual dating merry-go-round and attract your dream partner, I am here to help you get everything you desire in love. 

Two ways we can make this transformation happen: 

First, my signature course, Masculine in Love™, takes you through a proven process to build authentic confidence and attract your dream woman.  

You’ll rewire your subconscious dating blocks, transcend your attachment patterns, get clarity over the type of woman you’re attracted to and compatible with, learn how to attract her, and build a lasting relationship with your dream woman being yourself. 

If you’re ready to accelerate your results and get customized guidance in a one-on-one coaching container with me, you can apply to work with me personally to attract your dream partner. 

And this option is now open to both men and women!

Until next time!