If you’ve ever felt like a woman didn’t appreciate or accept you in dating and walked away for reasons you didn’t understand. 

Then you know what it feels like to be judged versus qualified in the dating process. 

I got asked a really thoughtful question last week — How do you make sure you aren’t settling in dating while also not playing into a fantasy or an unrealistic idealism of a partner? 

The answer — make sure you’re qualifying women, not judging them. 

The difference between qualifying and judging a woman in dating

Qualifying a woman is discerning if she’d make a great partner to you. It’s experiencing who she is and deciding if you can create a life together. It’s looking at dating through the lens of desire. Focusing on what you do want. 

Judging a woman is making who she is either right or wrong. It’s judging her actions, words, and opinions as either better or less than you. It’s looking at dating through the lens of fear. Focusing on what you don’t want. 

When you judge in dating, you can miss out on a high-value woman who’d be a great partner. 

You either decide she’s too good for you and lose your confidence, which kills polarity and trust. 

Or you decide she’s not good enough for you based on fear and walk away from a woman you really didn’t get to know. 
 

Qualifying a woman feels fun

When you’re judging women, dating feels stressful. You stop trusting your gut instinct and get stuck in your head. 

Everything she does is either a green flag that makes you want to overinevst and rush the dating process without truly getting to know her. Which is how a lot of men ignore red flags. 

Or you’re constantly on the lookout for red flags and create reasons to leave that have nothing to do with your potential as partners. 

Remember guys, you want a beautiful woman who can become your best friend. A woman who you can have fun with. Who you get excited about building a life and growing with. 

But you’d never judge your best friend the way you do women in dating. 

So why do you do it?

Why men judge women

There are four main reasons why men judge versus qualify women in the dating process:

1. You have a subconscious fear of intimacy

If you worry a relationship will threaten your autonomy, you’ll find reasons to keep a woman at arm’s length. This is called a deactivating strategy, which can look like finding little flaws in her, fantasizing about other women or an ex, or disengaging from the relationship and blaming her for being needy. 

2. You have a subconscious fear of abandonment

If you get anxious every time you don’t hear back from a woman or worry you’ll say or do the wrong thing and push her away, you likely have a fear of abandonment. When you worry a woman will lose interest and leave, you will constantly search for reasons why she will and self-sabotage.

3. You have a subconscious fear of rejection

If you believe as soon as you get close to a woman, she will reject you, you’ll be on the lookout for signs she's pulling away. Anything she says or does or any slight shift in her energy will put you on guard. To avoid rejection, you will prematurely reject her before she can leave you. 

4. You subconsciously want to achieve love

If you believe love is something to be achieved, you’ll chase after unavailable women who make you feel less than. But this isn’t love, this is intensity.

It may feel thrilling as you think you’re winning her over. But it will hurt much more when she leaves out of nowhere. 

When you have subconscious blocks in dating, you’ll create fantasies about who a woman should be. 

This is your subconscious’ way of keeping you safe. If no woman can live up to your expectations, you won’t get hurt again. 

No woman is perfect, and neither are you. 

This doesn’t mean you can’t have it all. I will show you how to have it all. (P.S. this is exactly what I teach you to do in Masculine in Love™)

But there’s a fine line between settling in dating and creating an unattainable expectation of what partnership is like to keep yourself safe. 

Qualifying women is how to have it all in love and attract your dream woman for a lasting relationship. 

5 ways to successfully qualify a high-value woman

When you learn how to qualify a high-value woman dating becomes much more fun. You’re able to relax and be present. And she can too! This is crucial to create lasting attraction and connection with your dream woman. 

1. Get clarity on what you desire in partnership

You have to identify the type of relationship you desire and the type of woman you want it with before you meet her. 

Getting clear on your dealbreakers and nice-to-haves before you invest in her allows you to stay true to yourself.

If you have a tendency to go all in and focus on not losing her, this will help you stay grounded and stop ignoring red flags. 

If you tend to create red flags, this will help you identify what is a fear of losing your autonomy or being rejected and what is actually a dealbreaker. 

Remember: You want to qualify a woman by her values, not her qualities. Qualities only give you surface-level information. Values are what keep you aligned.

In my latest course, Masculine in Love™, I show you exactly how to identify, meet, and attract your ideal woman for a lasting partnership. 

2. Take your time

Qualifying a high-value woman takes time. Stop trying to qualify her by the second date. It’s not realistic and it kills attraction. 

No matter how deep your conversations or how thoughtful your questions are, you have to experience her over time to know she’s right for you. 

Pacing yourself in this way allows you to build attraction and a lasting connection without playing games. 

3. Stay present

Whether you’re creating stories about how amazing she is or how she could ruin your life, you’re not being present. 

Living in the future and creating stories about who she could be, positive or negative, doesn't make her feel seen or understood. And she won’t feel safe opening up to you.

When you’re trying to avoid reliving the past, you’ll be unable to fully connect with her and subconsciously self-sabotage. 

You can’t stay grounded when you’re stuck in your head or when you haven’t healed your subconscious programming. 

This is why it’s so important to do the subconscious work in Masculine in Love™ BEFORE you decide to be with a woman long-term. 

When you allow yourself to get to know who she truly is, not who you think she is, trust and connection build. 

4. Develop self-acceptance

When you reject a woman for unnecessary reasons, you’re actually rejecting yourself. You see a part of her you don’t accept in you. 

You will never fully accept a woman, no matter how amazing she is, and will continue chasing unavailability until you accept all of yourself. 

The parts you love and the parts you aren’t as proud of.

This doesn’t mean you become stagnant. It simply means you show yourself compassion as you continue to grow into the best version of yourself. 

5. Allow her to be her

Compatibility isn’t about being the exact same in every way. It’s about having aligned values — your “why’s”. 

If you’re searching for the female version of you, you’ll end up in an unbalanced relationship. 

Your dream woman doesn’t have to share all of your hobbies, interests, or past experiences. 

She won’t. 

She’ll compliment you. This is why your dream woman will help you grow in ways you can’t without her. You can achieve, become, and experience more with her by your side. 

She will create the safety that allows you to take risks and create the life you’ve always dreamed of together. 

No matter how amazing she is, she’s still human. 

Your dream woman will be all you’ve ever hoped for. And she will have her shortcomings, just like you. 

And until you’re willing to accept hers, it will be difficult to attract a woman who will accept yours. 

Remember: Choose a woman you can grow with. 

I have one VIP Private Coaching spot available for a man ready to reach his potential in dating and attract his dream woman.

Use the link below to apply now and see if we’re a good fit for coaching. ❤️

Until next time!