I recently married my dream man…

It’s been quite the journey to get here.

Dating and relationships didn’t come easy for me.

But no matter how many bad dates I went on, times I was heartbroken, or tears I cried…

I knew this day would come.

I just had no idea how I was going to get here.

How much I’d fall in love with myself while finding him.

How much fun I’d have in the dating process and the adventure of looking for him.

And how all my experiences would lead me to hiring a coach, becoming an expert in dating and relationships, and helping hundreds of thousands of you find love too.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

The nights I spent crying, wondering where he was…

Or the days I felt like I wanted someone to share the amazing success I was having with…

Would’ve told you otherwise.

But as I enter into marriage with the emotionally available, handsome, successful, funny, and smart man I used to write about in my manifestations…

I fondly look back on those moments because they all led me to him.

But in order to truly enter this partnership and build our life together, we had to create another mindset shift.

Beyond building confidence in dating, understanding how to communicate, integrating into our masculine and feminine energies, and beyond understanding our attachment patterns…

We had to learn how to release our single selves and step into new, empowered, partnered versions of ourselves.

What is your “single self”?

Your single self is not a bad part of you. 

It’s the part of you that finds independence and serenity with being on your own. 

It’s the part of you that relies on yourself and has learned to meet your own needs.  

It’s the part that finds closer connections with friends and family. 

And it’s the part of you that picked up the pieces and found yourself after you’d been hurt. 

Your single self is a part of you to honor and be grateful for. 

But you'll struggle to attract and connect with your dream partner when you hold on too tightly to your single self out of fear of losing yourself or getting hurt again.

3 Signs You Need to Release Your Single Self

Most people don’t realize they’re holding onto their single selves. 

It’s easily mislabeled as “wisdom” and “independence.” 

These are three signs your single identity is holding you back from the partnership you desire.

1. Every time you meet someone who’s into you, you find something wrong

When you are attached to your single self, you can fantasize about being in a relationship. But as soon as you get close to having one, your subconscious will search for any “danger.”

It will latch on to anything it can to detach from the person you’re dating to avoid reliving past pain. Even though your conscious mind desires partnership, your subconscious feels safer visualizing having it than actually living it.

This is why you can be really into the person and wanting to be closer when you first meet and then, as soon as things start escalating you start to notice all the ways this person could be wrong for you.

2. You either overshare or come off as guarded on dates

If you’ve been criticized or rejected in past relationships, whether it be for how driven you are, the way you clean (or don’t clean), or for being too distant or too needy, you will respond in one of two ways when you’re attached to your single self.

The first, you will share everything you can with someone as quickly as possible to be able to make a decision quickly.

This isn’t an effective strategy for finding your dream partner, it’s self-sabotage. When you overshare, you break trust with that person because it shows you lack boundaries and emotional awareness.

The second, you share nothing and wait for the other person to open up first.

This also won’t build connection because when you’re guarded, you attract people who are either emotionally unregulated and “make up the difference” or who are also emotionally unavailable.

3. Every time you start to fall for someone, you can’t relax

Your wounded single self is always on the lookout for what could go wrong. Remember, it’s there to protect you.

This is why every time you start to fall for someone you either worry they’ll leave you or end up being wrong for you.

The anxiety and doubt you feel is because your single self is convinced a relationship is always lose-lose – either outcome results in pain.

So instead of being able to enjoy falling in love with someone, you are on high alert for signs of things falling apart.

4 Steps to Release Your Single Self

Here’s the hard truth – you are the only thing standing between you and your dream partnership.

Not the dating apps, not men or women, and not our modern society.

And this should be an empowering realization.

You are in control.

You get to choose the love life you desire.

And you get to step into the version of you capable of creating it.

You already have everything you need to attract your dream partner.

The tools live inside of you.

You just have to know how to access them.

When you follow these steps to release your single self, you’re able to…

• Become authentically confident in dating and relationship

• Effortlessly change your communication and behavioral patterns

• Walk away from the wrong partners

• And naturally attract your dream partner for a lasting relationship

These are four steps to release your single self.

Step 1: Cleansing your identity from past relationships 

Carrying your past experiences into new relationships is called projection. You’re expecting a completely different person to act like someone you already know.

This isn’t fair to them or to you.

You are recreating history subconsciously because what you think (or expect) is what you create.

You will continue to experience the same relationship dynamics with different people until you decide to adopt new beliefs about dating, relationships, and yourself.

In Module 1 of my course Masculine in Love™, I walk you through a comprehensive process to understand and transcend your limiting beliefs and past dating patterns.

You know you’re self-sabotaging your love life, you just don’t understand how to change it.

This process targets your dating blocks at their core so you can show up confidently in dating like you do in other areas of your life.

Step 2: Healing your single self

Your current dating patterns are as influential on your love life as your past.

Many high-performers get stuck in a Dopamine Dating Cycle where they continue to subconsciously relive the same dating patterns because it feels safe.

But the Dopamine Dating Cycle is exhausting and disheartening. It keeps you on a roller coaster of thinking you found the one, only to crash and feel depleted.

It’s a way our wounded single self stays relevant. As long as you’re going after unavailable partners or sabotaging with available ones, your “independence” is not threatened.

We have to heal our single self to get out of this pattern, stop attracting unavailable people, and be able to connect with our dream partner. And we do this by…

• Getting crystal clear on dealbreakers and nice-to-haves and committing to them

• Determining our needs for affirmation versus desire for connection and only acting on the latter

• Recognizing how the right partner will enhance your life

• Stop making love an achievement and trying to impress partners

• Identify the actions that will actually get the partnership you want

• Adopt new, empowering beliefs that align with those actions so they become natural

Step 3: Releasing your single self

Your single self is a part of you and closing a chapter can be uncomfortable.

But when you’re with your dream partner laughing and making out until you fall asleep, it’ll be worth it.

You’ve learned to rely on yourself and choose you.

Releasing your single self does not take away your independence, it grants you it.

When you are holding tightly onto your single self, you become an overbearing parent to yourself, always looking for what could go wrong.

Letting go of this version of you allows you to attract a partner who will honor and respect your autonomy and desires.

One of the most effective exercises I did to release my single self was to write a goodbye letter to that version of me.

Start by thanking this version of you for all the amazing memories and wisdom you’ve gained.

Then, claim it’s time to step into the version of you who’s ready to be someone’s dream partner.

Remember: If you don’t tell your subconscious where you’re going, it will hold onto its current patterns.

Step 4: Stepping into the partnered version of you

To build a healthy partnership, you have to develop a teammate mentality.

You may think you have this already.

But if every time you get into a relationship you start to notice what your partner is doing wrong and start tallying shortcomings until you leave…

Or if you interpret any change in behavior as a form of rejection or abandonment and become protective of yourself…

You are not acting as a teammate. You are still preserving your single self.

The partnered version of you handles conflict with grace and discipline.

You are able to experience deeper intimacy with your partner without wanting to pull away.

And you build a fulfilling and expansive partnership that allows you to reach bigger goals, have more fun, and become your best self.

Stepping into the partnered version of yourself requires three things:

1. Looking at conflict as an opportunity for more closeness

2. Not taking your partner’s behaviors personally

3. Rewiring your defense mechanisms to mitigate intimacy

This is part of the comprehensive process I take my male and female VIP Clients through to overcome their dating blocks and attract their dream partner.

I’ve structured these concepts (valued at over $20,000) and broken them down into directional videos and actionable worksheets in my signature course for men, Masculine in Love™.

You are going to go through a four-step process to build authentic confidence in dating and get everything you desire in love by:

• Rewiring your dating programming to attract a high-value woman who’s ready for partnership

• Integrate into your masculine energy to build mind-blowing polarity naturally

• Learn how to qualify women from a secure place, without being guarded or coming on too strong

• Develop effective communication skills to create safety and trust

• Step into the empowered, open version of yourself who your dream woman is drawn to

• Lead the dating process to create a lasting partnership that supports your lifestyle

And for those of you, men and women, who are wanting to accelerate your results and build the partnership of your dreams, I have VIP Private Coaching spots opening up.

Whether you’ve been single for a while and want to finally meet your person, are ready to get back out there after a divorce or breakup, or want to strengthen the relationship you have now, this is an exclusive opportunity to work with me one-on-one in a high-touch, customized program.

Apply now to see if we’re a good fit for your transformation.

Until next time!